带着悲伤结束2014

情爱的Kimi,
2014 还剩下一小时就结束了。
妈咪还是想你。
最近天气很冷, 也让妈咪想起每次天气变冷时你都会睡在妈咪脚边取暖。
好怀念你的体温。
妈咪今天开始都念一点你的名。
慢慢要适应喊你的名时可以不流泪。
还在练习当中。
妈咪一定会好好的迎接新的一年。
祝福妈咪在新的一年会过的更好。
也希望你能够好好的修行做仙犬直到我们能够在相遇。再次让妈咪拥抱你!
永远爱你的妈咪。

今天想对你说

妈咪希望这五年来你跟妈咪都过得很开心。
妈咪希望你感受到妈咪对你的爱。
妈咪希望你知道你是无法取代的。
妈咪希望你没有后悔过做妈咪的毛孩。
妈咪在今晚又想起你。
妈咪好怀念你。

如何可以停止这思念?

如何可以停止对它的思念又不会忘了它的一切?
再次很想抱它。

Getting worse..............

I missed her more and more for the past few days.
There are a lot of questions popping up in my mind for the past fews.
Question such as:
1. Did I notice it earlier enough?
2. How could this happened?
3. Why she was taken away from me?
4. Why I had to go through this kind of pain?
etc.....

I guess I really tried to suppressed it for the past two weeks.
Watching comedy so that I can laugh.
Make myself busy with work so that I don't have time to think about.

I guess now, the suppression slowly not working.
I had kept watching her photo.
I pretended I'm fine for her leaving when I'm not.

And I felt suffocated holding up my tears.
I really missed her.

Am I ready?

Am I ready for another dog?
She supposed to join us to add on the family to four member.
She was never suppose to be a replacement as Kimi is irreplaceable.
I dunno if I'm ready.
But faith need companion during my work hour.
I'm not sure if I can handle this well.
I'm doubtful.
But I hope it will went well.

崩溃了

忍到今天终于崩溃了。
已经失去她两个星期了。
很想她。。。

Hold住了。失败了。

今天回到家又突然很想她。
Hold住了泪水和心的痛。
把埋着的泪用深呼吸就吞下去了。
还是无法接受她离开了。
我还是想她。
还是不敢提起她的离开。
期待着她的回来。
眼泪还是忍不住了。
今晚又哭着睡觉。
每晚睡觉都为了到梦里寻找她。
想告诉她:我好爱她。

对不起，我不孝

知道您担心我自己一个留在家。
对不起拒绝了让您陪我。
我不想你看到我的软弱的一面。
这样您会跟加担心。
我答应您我会回复的。
但是我需要时间。
我不敢答应您会近期但是我一定会回复的。
对不起让您担心了。

December will never be same

I used to love December.
I used to play Christmas song during this time.
December never be the same miracle month for me.
It'll be a month I missed her and painful for me.
It's been a week of having sleeping disorder since she admitted to vet.
Having difficulty to sleep at night and waking up daily with heartache.
Accepting the fact slowly but missing her a lot.
There's still a lot I have yet do for her...........

期待你的回来

信不信就由你。
妈咪选择了相信投七你会回来看妈咪。
妈咪准备了你的最爱:鸡肉马铃薯萝卜。
也是你进院前吃的最后一餐。
也让妈咪以为会不会是这餐让你进院了。
希望你能够回来看下妈咪。
看妈咪好好的过了。
想念着你的一切。

Another day of out off focus

Faith 的故事

不知不觉Faith已经跟我一起快要两年了。
看到现在的它都觉得好庆幸。
我给它都承诺也办到一半了。
答应它会给它我的爱，陪伴在它身边，在我能力范围给它最好的和陪伴它走到最后。
从它刚来到时到现在都看到它的改变。
孤僻的它也慢慢的开朗起来。
也慢慢的会要求受宠。
现在在店里还会迎接客户。
但是还是有个怪癖，不喜欢活泼的孩子和毛孩。

回想回来，一个原本要放在店里的一条狗变了我的宝贝。
当初是看它像Dolly才接它回来。
当时去接它时，还拿了Kimi小时的笼子。
哪知道一见到它时都呆了。
没有想过它会比Dolly大一倍。
也担心自己能应付得来吗？
毕竟自己都不喜欢中大的狗。
但是说真的，没有一条狗会惹人讨厌。
就这样就深深的爱上它了。
承认自己会偏心。
因为跟Faith的日子也不多。
它已经9或10岁了。
也不懂它能留在我身边多久。
只希望它能够不受苦的离开这世界。

Out of focus during work

自我挑战

自我挑战的日子又到回来了。
三年前每一关都过得很煎熬。
这次也不见得容易。
首先挑战留在家。
这关看来是最难一关。
家的每个角落都有和她一起的回忆。
把所有家务都做都会有她的回忆。
怀念着她默默的坐一旁看我做家务。
怀念着傻呼呼的她追vacuum。
怀念着她躺在我脚边。
感觉好折磨。
看着Faith 也低落让我跟难受。
每次流她时,她都到处找东西。
好像在找kimi 将。
Faith 连饭都吃少了。
让我很伤心也很担心。
心好疼。呼吸时都好像有针在刺我的心。
明天的挑战是回宠物店。
也有很多和Kimi 的回忆。
担心的是看到人家的小雪时,我会无法控制情绪。
会让我想起她。
佛祖啊!我才康复,您又让我再次跌下来。
我真的不知道我能否过得了您给我的这次考验吗。

我真的很想好好过

这几天过的日子实在太难。
心情沉重。
脑袋空白。
天天提心吊胆。
不想接到电话。
不原听到坏消息。
十二月三日,突然吓醒。
正身冒汗和发抖。
这个不详的感觉很强烈。
打电话给兽医又没有接。
我崩溃了。
直到连上了,得知她还好心都定了下来。
每当电话响起,正个心都停了。呼吸不到。
佛祖还是带她走了。
送她最后一路时,答应她我会好好过的。
我不知道我能否做到。
今天很想照常上班的。
还好了衣服却正身无力。
无法面对日子。
感觉像过着三年前的低潮日。
我好害怕度不过因为三年前有她的陪伴而度过。
现在没了她给我的爱和支住,我没有把握跨过这关。
我没有把握做到我答应她的,我会好好过。
好想她。

女婿日记

在休息的那段时间,刚好Kimi 来月。

期待已久的时间已到了。

在学宠物美容时,盯上了同学的小雪, JJ。

也说好当有自己的房子后要让Kimi 生孩子。

让她有个小Kimi 和小JJ。

对的,JJ就是我的女婿。

喜欢这只小雪的原因就是因为他好帅气。

但是这个女婿只喜欢白色的狗狗。

他喜欢另一个同学的白色小雪。

虽然没有成功的有小Kimi 和小JJ, 短短的两三天的相处也让我和JJ有个美好的回忆。

回家的路上,他一直低头。可能在想为什么妈咪留下他给我吧?

和Kimi一起粘身躺在我的单人床。

累了的JJ 帅睡在他的臭枕头上

难得的三只狗的和照

看他想妈咪的模样有点可怜

两个终于对望

那一天煮了马铃薯鸡肉给他们三个。

送JJ 帅回给他的妈咪。好听话的孩子。

我的最佳女婿还是没有成功的让Kimi 怀孕。

但是还是愉快的心情和他创造了美好回忆。

好想你哦!

一张单人床

十九号凌晨四时,睡得很沉时突然发现正张床在震。后来有点清醒头脑了才发现是kimi在脚旁里发抖。不知何时她会在雨天里和响雷时发抖。
后来,雨越下越大雷也越来越响。一直以来都怕雨天的faith也忍不住了。她也跳到我身边来。
只好把自己的床让一半给他们。这时刻,在暴风雨中,还是觉得幸福的。小小的单人床挤满了两条狗和一个人。在冷冷的凌晨突然都变的很暖。
感恩两个宝贝的陪伴。虽然你们是为了要安全感而挤进了这个单人床,但是你们让我在这暴风雨的凌晨里给了我温暖和不孤单。
谢谢你们咯!

八月结束了!

今年的八月过得因该可以说是'多姿多彩'的。
八月开始换新工作就是非连片。
该说自己把自己圈如是非话题。
就因为自己的决定就把自己变成是非主角了。 (>_<)
爱低调的我突然变成行家的话题也让自己变得不自在。 「(°ヘ°)
我不爱做红人。 (︶︹︺)
无论是好的或坏的我就是不想被人当成话题。 （＞﹏＜）
也不晓得会被提到何时。。。。
今年也是第二次在自己的生日那天没的请假而要上班。
而是去了旧公司的新加坡和印尼的分行。
而外收获就在check in counter时亚航的工作人员竟然发现了我的生日日期还祝我生日快乐。 (∩_∩)
今年的生日过得好平淡。没有特别的庆祝。只是忙着就过了。答应自己明年的生日要去yoga retreat来宠自己。
蛋糕也切了一个而已。还是切的很不开心。
旧老板早一个星期就约好庆祝生日,答应了他一起吃饭庆祝就好。
想都没想过竟然要求我早点下班回到旧公司和旧同事一起切蛋糕。
我的天呀!为什么他可以那么天真到如此?! ⊙﹏⊙
他的好心又让我圈如是非之地。
我令原他一个一起吃饭好过逼些不是很乐意祝我生日的人一起庆祝生日。 (~_~;)
就这样,唯一切的生日蛋糕成为了我往后给人拿来讲的话题了。
看来我因该还是会有段时间变成人家口中的话题。
无论如何换了工也换了环境。
在旧公司里的身份也不同了。
在新公司里也感到不自在因为已经习惯去照顾同事突然在这被人照顾。感觉很不自在的和好像很无力的。
无论如何都好,请求菩萨祝福我能够越战越勇。无论面对什么挑战,我都能够应付的来。
要好好加油吧! (∩_∩)

开工了！

说长不长，说短不短的假期就此结束了。
要做的也做的七七八八了。
当然还有做不完的事。还是满足的。
在八月一号开工了。
怪怪的就是没有期待的感觉或兴奋的感觉来上班。
是年纪大了吧？
还是换了很多次工所以没有感觉了？
还是都认识新公司里的人？
还是依依不舍久公司呢？
总之就是没有那感觉上新公司啦！
还是告诉自己focus新生活啦！
别再一直回头看过去啦！
尽然都决定了就要往前看了。
好好准备自己面对新挑战。
在自己生日的月份就再次有个全新跟好的自己吧！

好！秀秀自己的新工作岗位！

Cherish Life Home

So there, I had been jobless since 11 July 2014.
Leaving a company which I had been part of it since the day it started had left me so empty.
The place had been a place for me to cure myself during my divorce hence, it can be said I was healed emotionally by being workaholic in the company.
Thus, after back from Medan holiday, I had never felt so empty.
Still digging up the old emails and documents to fill the emptiness.
Then I plan, I plan to fill up my short holiday before new job started.
But how to make it more meaningful and not to spend money for fill up the free time?
Thus I had put Cherish Life Home in my list.
As setting up a shelter had been part of my dream when I'm a millionaire (day dreaming) one day, I guess is good for me to go to have a look at the shelter.
So once I'm back from Indonesia, I take my initiative to message them through FB as they are quite active in FB I bet they would read it.
Instead to be an ordinary volunteer, I will use my grooming skill to help groom the furkids in the shelter.
And my message is answered on 20 July. Thank god!
Heehee...after got Aunty Winnie a.k.a A Winnie's number, I called up her on Monday for direction to the shelter. At the end we met up at Dr. Goh's clinic at Taman Damai Utama, near to Puncak Jalil though it is still under Kinrara.
So this Dr.'s name had been hear many time but never met him. So I got the chance to meet him today.
I had a quick lunch with A Winnie and had a little bit char on my grooming back ground and also a pet owner.
Shared to her as well my rescue experience with MIAR too. So she also shared her bad experience with MIAR too. Sigh....some people just want fame only but not the responsibility. After chit chat for about an hour, we went to clinic to pick up Boney which can be discharge today.
When we went into clinic, saw Dr. Goh finally, wahaha...as A Winnie said, he is handsome Vet. Hhhmmm...let me think out of vets I met, he is the no.2 handsome vet. As I did dreamed to become vet before, I did show interest on the vet I met. Whahaha (*=*) blushed.....unfortunately he is married.
Hehehe....then we start our long journey from Puchong to Hulu Langat, where the shelter located.
Ok, the journey into the shelter was horror. The road is unpaved road. Wah....during that time, I really wish that I had drive a 4WD as like A Winnie Nissan Navara.
Phew....finally I make it there safely with minimal damage to my Nissan Almera. =.="
The shelter is totally different from the one I imagined it could be.
As I had a minor OCD, I always asking myself whether I can be a volunteer in the shelter as the shelter could be dirty, filthy, smelly and the dog also smell bad. Can I do that.
But to my surprise, A Winnie shelter is so difference. The big difference can be compare as there is another shelter just next door.
The first difference is the dog here is calmer. Even they bark, is bark of happiness when their mama arrived even still in car. All the dog rush out greet her.
The shelter was built very naturally not a concrete type. Though the concrete shelter look neater but it can smell bad if there is no proper cleaning.
Though there is 200 over dogs, the dogs were never too packed in an area and they roam freely in the shelter.
It is truly an experience to me. And it enlightened me that this is never an easy job.
It is a whole life responsibility. A very dignify job.
Also A Winnie had again emphasized to me RESCUE IS NOT ABOUT GLORY BUT IT IS ABOUT THE RESPONSIBILITY.
These words will be imprint in my heart. So am I ready for a shelter of my own?
Gosh...to be frank I'm not ready for it. But for the moment, I will help whenever I can either help groom the dog or in monetary.

The incredible woman: A Winnie

The doggies running out to greet A winnie

Well take care doggies

Monitoring mama whereabout

The playground

And the recovery pen with special care kids

May Lord Buddha bless A Winnie with health and also help from all over place so that she can keep on helping the furkids.
Definitely, this is never an easy job.
It is an eye opener for me and maybe an experience to learn.

好贴近

看到这个comic简直是反射着自己的心。
只不过还没找到拿钥匙的人而已。

离开了

已经离开了公司第三天。从星期五晚开始哭了3个晚上。 还是在旅行的过程里都还想念着。 到底是什么原因呢? 原本以为离开了会开心的也会放心。 可是这两个感觉都没有。 心还是依依不舍的挂念在公司里的每一位同事。 尤其是那班小的。 总觉得对不起他们。 很不明白自己的情绪。 也难过老板要自己度过所有的挑战。 丢下他还以为是个报复的。 但还觉得亏欠了大家? 心还是依然留在那而。 Line message响时多希望是Gaia group chat但是已经离队了。 再次提醒自己是我想要的。 心理很希望着一切都是这五年来的习惯。 想好好开始自己的新生活和工作。 但是也没有很盼望新的发展。 还是逗留在Gaia里的生活和工作。 每一天都求佛祖点明弟子是否做对了选择。 问佛祖为何自己会那么心痛和不舍。 为什么问菩萨时,菩萨总是叫我离开。 离开了总不觉得快乐。 太多的为什么。 每次老板求留下,说该公司很需要我时我都是动摇的很想留下。 但是还是拒绝了。 看到最后一天大家都伤心的抱着哭,让我都觉得有罪恶感。我让很多人都伤心了。 佛祖,请问您能够尽快的点明弟子吗? 如果弟子我还没有准备好的话,就让弟子尽快准备好来面对该面对的吧。 希望弟子我不是为了权利而依依不舍那件公司吧。 希望佛祖您能够让弟子跟加勇敢的面对自己要走的路。 让弟子能够比现在的我跟好跟勇敢。 虽然弟子真的很想知道为何会发生此事,希望佛祖您能够指引弟子。

无所事事的夜晚

已经习惯了放工后还会开电脑来check email。
今晚开了电脑对着银幕等待email到来。
一切都结束了。
这五年的习惯突然不用做了，觉得好空虚。
突然没了目标了。
空空荡荡的。
头脑一片空白。
毫无头绪的写blog。
workaholic了那么久突然停下脚步觉得很空。
当忙的时候， 想看戏。
现在有空了，尽然没情绪看戏。
真那我没办法。
突然很想静下来。
享受平静的夜晚。
好让脑袋休息下。
准备迎接未来的挑战。
感恩现在拥有的空闲。
谢谢佛祖！

Another reading, another sign?

Get another reading in Pulsed.
Damn...maybe Lord Buddha still knew I'm still uncertain with my decision.
Hence, He showed me with this article again:

According to science, we often hurt ourselves when we fail to forgive others. The personal danger comes in the form of remaining attached to negative, often pride-based, emotions that destroy us from inside. The same psychology of detachment may be applicable to our letting go of pet projects, businesses and even people: to the extent our emotions take over and cloud our judgment of what's best.

Entrepreneurs, in particular, have trouble letting go. George Zimmer, for example, was recently ousted as the Executive Chairman of Men’s Warehouse—the company he founded and ran for 40 years—because he was seemingly unable to modernize his vision and follow that of others. The end result was a loss to both Zimmer and his company. Men’s Warehouse no longer enjoys the charismatic leader that once drove its performance while Zimmer no longer enjoys making his company a standout in a dying industry.

Such episodes are tragic but unnecessary and they don’t have to happen to you. While it’s up to individual circumstance to determine exactly when to let go, how to let go can be mastered merely by adhering to a few simple “laws”:

Law Number 1. You are not God. Your spouse (or especially, ex-spouse) probably reminds you of this daily. Lest you forget, however, remember that even superstar CEOs like Steve Jobs could not see, nor could they prevent, their untimely departure. You have no more control, guidance or understanding of the future than anyone else—even if you’re somewhat deft at handling the uncertainty. Nonetheless, if you step back a bit and let others help in the decision-making, that deftness can be transformed into real power that can benefit your business.

Law Number 2. Let the past remain in the past. The work you’ve done was good, perhaps even great, but it’s irrelevant to determining where things will go next. Retreating to past accomplishments, especially to justify an antiquated strategic plan, is little more than a cognitive, hindsight bias. It is fundamentally connected to an insecurity that your best days are behind you and leads you to imagining you had more courage, more foresight and better knowledge in the past than you really had. Such a ‘rear-view-mirror’ approach only shackles everyone else (including you) to a reality that may only exist in your head. Shun this thinking completely. Imagine instead that every day on the job is your first one and that you must generate fresh ideas. Of course, bring your experience to the table, but don’t use it as a blueprint for strategy. Heed this law and you will be liberated.

Law Number 3. Never confuse delegating responsibility with ceding control.Delegating responsibility helps you tackle an oppressive workload. It means sharing the driving, sailing or flying with someone else: with them as a first officer and you as the pilot. Ceding control, however, involves submitting your decision-making power to someone with a different perspective and perhaps even better information. Ceding control means having a co-pilot.

Law Number 4. Choose co-pilots wisely. Somewhat ironically, George Zimmer hired many of the people who later fired him. That might seem unwise on the surface; however, it attests to Zimmer’s foresight in choosing co-pilots who knew when to change course without fear of him. In the ideal situation you would obviously keep your job, but that’s all the more reason to choose people that can help you adapt and let go in the right places. Then, listen to those people.

Law Number 5. Don’t be an information liability. My father used to say that if you’re ignorant, you’re a liability. I believe that to this day. So often, however, I encounter executives whose heads are filled with historical knowledge and views that scarcely allow new information room to enter their minds. Cognitively, they anchor themselves to what they know best—the old knowledge—and dismiss what’s new. They’re liabilities. Don't follow their lead. Be open to new ideas and become an asset.

Law Number 6. Let others love your business. Many founders or long-standing CEOs believe that only they can have a deep love for their businesses—but that’s a fallacy. Once people commit themselves and their careers to a company, they’re vested, and they can likely care more about those enterprises than their bosses and founders who, enjoying success, look forward to riding off into the sunset. Capitalize on this. Internalize Law Number 4 and cede control to committed people who will love the same company you love.

Law Number 7. Your business is not successful if it dies with you. I saved the most fundamentallaw for last. This is just a fact of life and business. If what you build here turns to dust when you’re gone, you've really built nothing at all. Thus, your every effort should be to create self-maintaining structures run by people that know how to make them succeed without you. That, in truth, is the essence, if not the very definition, of letting go.

Though being plead for keep on in the company. I just felt empathy on my boss for the trouble that I'll left behind to him to shoulder alone. We had been working closely before. But now it will be him alone. But think further, who will show empathy on me then? Where can I go to if I'm down? Sometime, too compassionate only cause me indecisive. I wish I can be more selfish and cruel. Think of myself now!  

期待的是什么?

离开日子已经越来越接近了。
本以为是下定决心了但是还是不停的动摇。
每当多一个人知道就动摇一次。
好累哦。
问自己会期待新工作吗?答案只是期待着休闲的日子。不用担忧太多东西的日子。
每当每个叫我留下的都说公司不能没了我。
理智告诉我,没有一家公司会没了谁不能的。
但是还是担心自己的决定会影响到别人。
为什么自己就不能坚决点呢?
每次动摇时都有事发让自己坚决。
菩萨和佛祖都已经很明确了点明了还动摇些什么呢?
真的搞不清自己是期待些什么的。
也很讨厌现在的我。
现在的头脑都卡住了。
小小的事都无法控制脾气了。
小小的事都能气到掉眼泪。
小小的事都能看的不顺眼。
只好安抚自己就快要结束了。
往后的日子都不必为这些问题而烦恼了。

宝贝妈咪爱你

今天因为头痛就上半天工回家休息。
太痛了所以回到家就睡了。
最近便头越来越严重。
疼的都无法想东西。
好辛苦。
幸亏董事的Kimi知道妈咪的苦,静悄悄的躺在妈咪身边直到妈咪觉醒才发现它在身边陪伴妈咪。
感谢宝贝让妈咪不孤单的。
妈咪爱你!

A day to remember 25.5.14

This was indeed will be a painful day to be remembered. A day when I lost a good friend of mine.

She is an ex-colleague of mine back in Interscience.

Young girl fresh graduate from UTM. An image she gave me when she join Interscience: A Malay girl for a sales job? This not going to last long. 

But she prove it wrong. All wrong....she in such small body feature, soft spoken lady had her own way to do sales. so different from the image of Malay I had. She indeed changed my perception on Malay culture.

Back in Interscience. I'm not sensitive on the different culture in the company or even the group.

Back then the Chinese only mix with Chinese while the minority like Indian and Malay will be in their own group.

Somehow when she was assigned to cover East Coast as me, we had become travel partner to East Coast.

That's how we build our relationship. Gossip all the way to East Coast and chat all the journey.

Sleep in same room and eat together. 

She get married on 20  , and she got pregnant on the following years.

She had her first miscarriage on 2010, the year I had left Interscience. Heard that PCC was never kind to her and keep mentioning about her miscarriage case and left her keep reminded on her wound.

So on that year, after I heard about her torture by insensitive PCC, I decided talk to management of Gaia to offer her a job in Gaia since we need more people to expand the market, she joined.

After joined for more than half a year, she got pregnant again.

Indeed it is joy for us as she had overcome it and decided to try it again.

Glad she make it. But the mighty god still want to test her strength, unfortunately, when she is heavy pregnant at 9 months, she lost her baby again. The baby died just a week due to born.

Then she again have to gone through the lost of child. So sad for her, when just about due to born, it is hard to us definitely is hard for her too.

Then she come back strong too with everyone else try not to ask but she did share with me.

Just less than a year, she was again diagnosed with lymphoma.

She fight with it and manage to get healthy again and get pregnant for the third time. It is really happy which this significantly prove that she is healthy again. 

But just after she delivered her baby, she is diagnosed with relapse and undergone chemo. We manage to visit her after her first chemo. Just last year. It shocked me to see her condition. She even asked me not to shed any tears for her. Such a strong lady. 

We chat and talk about her boy. I hold her hand while talking. I just fear that I will lost her. 

After the visit we kept in touch through FB message. We chat a lot when I got the offer from the supplier company. How she support me a lot when I told her I'm depressed with work. While she still fighting hard but she still encourage me by asking me to stay positive.

We had make promise to each other to have a friendship anniversary celebration after knowing each other for 8 years. Just a month later after no news from her in message, she had left us to the heaven.

After all the long fight she had, she deserve a well rest now my dear friend. 

I will always miss you my dear. So sorry that we can fulfill the promise we had made for each other.

I'm thankful that you had been part of my best memories in me. You will be always loved and miss by me. 

会那么幸运得奖吗?

就那么天真的参加了这个游戏。
哈哈哈哈, 哪知道我能够输入一个价钱。
就这样参加了。
如果有那么幸运的话,那就是我人生的第三幸运奖咯!
我的第一幸运就是能够入学到本地大学。让妈不用操心我的学业。
第二幸运就是拿到奖学金,让妈不用为我的学费担心。
如果这个有奖游戏能够让我赢到手机,这是我人生的第三幸运了!
哈哈哈哈。。。。因该下午吃太多大头菜。
就让到明天都有个希望和期待吧!
先感恩。赢不赢奖今晚都给了我一个希望和期待!

It's time to let go

Though still fighting with the emotion and rational.
Yup...non stop battling between this two since the day decision made... :(
Out of sudden saw another article titled "20 signs it's Time to Let Go".
After reading it, to my shock, I really score high for the signs.
Damn...then my emotion shouldn't win over. Below is the article to share

20 Signs It's Time To Let Go And Move On

1. When your thoughts go to memories more than the present.

2. When the situation causes you more pain than joy.

3. When you expect, hope and plead for the person, place or situation to change.

4. When you become complacent, bored or resentful.

5. When the pattern persists even though you tried to fix it.

6. When you feel alone, unheard or disrespected.

7. When the situation is holding you back from growing and being who you want to be.

8. When you stay, hoping and expecting things to get better.

9. When you cry more than you laugh and love.

10. When you feel exhausted emotionally, spiritualty and physically.

11. When you have lost your passion and joy.

12. When you core beliefs and values have changed and you sacrifice who you are.

13. When you stop having fun.

14. When you fear this is the best it will be.

15. When you force a smile to mask the pain.

16. When you lose who you are and stop dreaming.

17. When you hold on out of fear of the unknown.

18. When you sense you are holding onto something meant to be let go.

19. When the thought of being free of the situation feels expansive.

20. When you believe in a better life for yourself.

All the highlight points is what I having at the moment. Gosh....out of 20, I score 19.
Though been talking with best friends and  family on my current situation, the conclusion they had for my situation are it's is still all about them and there is no about me.
I thought I had been selfish enough to make the resignation happened. But still I still got attached here due to the reason I'm dignify to care about the company and the people in the company.
Dignify? Did I? Questioning myself a lot lately on my own character which they had bring up when trying to persuade me to stay. Sigh...after saw this article, should I convince myself this is the sign given by Lord Buddha to me?
It had been the second signs?
Oh Lord Buddha, please send me clear sign. Please forgive the stupid me in getting your sign. Please help enlightened me.

The battle of EMOTIONS and RATIONAL

This is the hardest battle of own self ever.
Thought rational had won over emotion but actually the battle yet ended. It just subsided for awhile.
The chat is never ending. Keep asking to stay. Though had remind myself those are only sweet talks to make you stay but the feeling said it is sincere.
This really killing me. I know the changes will took long if I stay. Can I endure with it while waiting the days come.
I had my answer but the emotion just went haywire. It split me apart. Just felt so torn.
With unknown root cause or reason, I am clueless for what I'm looking for. While the thought of rational winning over the battle but why the emotion still so much affected? Why still feel so attached? Why can't I just be cruel and determine with the decision?
Can Buddha please show me the road of clarity? Please guide me to a correct path.  Please let me get stronger for this battle.

最接近我心声

最近开了Linkedin 户口。哪里很多professional 职业。
也有很多专业作文。今天看了这一片很接近我的心声的：
接近的就是那个"guilt feel"

When it's 'Safe' to Say, "Hey, Boss, I'm Looking!"

At what point during her job search do you suppose Marissa Mayer, the current CEO of Yahoo, advised her boss at Google that she was “looking”? (The answer to this question, which may very well surprise you, is at the end of this blog.)

The truth of the matter is, if you are like most people, you are happy in your jobmost of the time. That does not alter the fact, however, that there are also times when you may honestly wonder if you’re not overlooking other genuine career opportunities outside your current company. You may begin to feel that you might just be “settling” for what you now have in your current job and be leaving money and career advancement opportunities “on the table.” That’s when you are most likely to . . .

• Occasionally visit indeed.com and similar online sites to see what may be available “out there.”
• Set up “saved searches,” so that the right career opportunities start being emailed to you.
• Update your LinkedIn profile.
• Begin receiving (and taking!) calls from “headhunters.”

All simply to “test the waters,” of course.

And, since you are already “flirting” with the job market, you may decide to go on a few “dates,” too, i.e., job interviews.

Again, though, simply to “test the waters.”

But what happens if these “dates” (interviews) begin to strongly suggest that, as you somewhat suspected, you may indeed be overlooking some genuine opportunities to advance your career? Well, the adrenaline can start pumping, suddenly a new-found sense ofexcitement can kick in, you start to get “butterflies” in your stomach, your heart beats just a little bit faster. . . and soon thereafter here they come . . .

The old GUILT feelings!

Dealing with the ‘Guilt’ Feelings

Why am I doing this? you ask yourself. Then, in answer to your own question, you’re quite likely to come up with answers such as these:

• Because I am not totally happy with my current job, or at least not as happy as I know I should be.
• I know for a fact that I am not being paid what I am worth.
• Will I ever receive a promotion, or am I destined to remain at basically the same level throughout my career with this company—no matter what I accomplish or how well I perform?
• Why won’t my boss trust me with more responsibility and authority?

Still, the guilt feelings persist.

In order to alleviate these guilt feelings, you decide that the best thing to do at this point is to “come clean” with your boss. After all, you do have a good relationship with her—actually, avery good relationship with her—right? She told you during your last performance review that she genuinely cared about you and wanted only the best for you and your family, didn’t she? Certainly, the boss will want to do what’s right for you, right? Maybe, after you “cleanse your soul,” by telling her you’re “looking,” you might actually end up getting a nice raise, perhaps even a promotion, right?

Wrong!

Two Reasons ‘Cleansing Your Soul’ with Your Boss is NOT a Good Idea

Here are at least TWO reasons why your reasoning is very wrong and filled with significantrisks to your career:

• First, how can you tell, for sure, that you do indeed have a “good” relationship with your boss? What if you guess wrong about the true nature of the relationship you have with her? What if you think you have a good—even GREAT!—relationship with her but she would beg to differ, if asked? Or, what if you do indeed currently have a “good relationship” with her but it quickly “sours” once you’ve told her of your “indiscretions”?
• Second, an employment relationship is not like a marriage contract or any other type of binding, legal contract or arrangement. Nonetheless, many people continue to view it as such. The fact of the matter is, almost all employment arrangements today are what’s known as “at will” arrangements. That means that, like political appointees, an employee “serves” at the “pleasure” of the company. If and when it is no longer your employer’s “pleasure” to keep you, you will be gone, gone, gone. Still, many want to believe that their co-workers (and yes, sometimes, even their boss) are true “friends,” their “family-in-residence,” as it were, but that really isn’t true at all.

If you currently find yourself facing a career dilemma such as the one described in this blog, I suggest that you STOP and ask yourself these questions:

• “If I stay where I am for the rest of my career, am I okay with that?”
• “Has my ‘story’ at my current job been completely written yet?
• “If I were unemployed and had a chance to interview for my current job, would I do it?”
• “Money aside, do I really love this job?”

If your answers to these questions is a resounding “yes,” then stop looking NOW . . . get control over the urge to “confess” and get back to work!

Risks Inherent in Confessing Your Career ‘Affair’ or ‘Indiscretion’

On the other hand, if your answers to these questions are even qualified “no’s,” then the only question becomes whether or not to “confess.” The short answer is: Don’t even think about it unless you want your career to tank at your current company! If you choose to ignore this advice, here is what, at a minimum, awaits you for as long as you remain with your current employer:

• Don’t expect to any longer be seriously considered for any promotions that may come up.
• If you get a salary increase, it will be miniscule at best.
• Don’t expect to any longer even be considered for involvement in any long-term, high-profile company projects.
• Expect your professional brand to be quickly and irretrievably “tarnished,” and expect it to grow even more “tarnished” the longer you stay with the company.
• Anticipate that the “great relationship” you thought you had with your current boss will soon head south.

Do you still believe, then, that “coming clean” with the boss if you are “looking” is a good idea? I hope not. Don’t make the mistake so many excellent candidates tend to make by telling your boss you’re “looking.” There is absolutely no way whatsoever that this can ever be to your benefit or advantage.

Rather, take a cue from Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer. This savvy young executive demonstrated that she definitely knows how the hiring “game” is played. She also showed that she is an expert player at the game. The “advance warning” she gave her boss at Google that she was “looking”—exactly 30 minutes before she left!