要释放自己就要懂得原谅

搬出来了几个月, 今天才第一次见到他。
还会生气也有讨厌的感觉。也有可怜
无法解释的情绪。
很复杂。
眼泪还是回要掉出来。
就因为佛说要释放自己就要懂得原谅。
就是想释放这复杂的情绪,所以就选择了要请他一起去北部旅游。
虽然会当他不存在将,相信毕竟是女王想要的。
问过老弟了,虽然很抗拒但是他还是会尊敬我的决定。
很庆幸有像他那样懂事的弟弟。
做出了第一步,剩下的就是要看他了。
如今情绪还是复杂。
只希望这个旅行是愉快的。
眼泪啊。。。。不要掉呀。
没什么好哭的了。
这是对自己一种释放。
请求佛祖能祝福这段旅程。
啊弥陀佛。

Slept in 3 States in 4 days

Tired! That's all I can said.
Non stop travelling had start been part of my life.
I'm getting tired of this.
3 States in 4 days. I had break my own record! （。_°☆＼(- – )
What to do?My boss told me because you are leader, you got no choice. ⊙▂⊙
I'm fed up with the reason too.
I didn't choose to be leader. You all put me to.
Damn. Really pissed off with the reason.
Not that I don't like the company but is just that I'm getting tired. (´～`)
Maybe I'm getting near to my dream. I had backed up plan. Guess that's why I start to complain about my work.
I'm really tired of travelling. Tired with the responsibility they gave me.
I want to let them know I'm not superwoman. And I don't wish to be their superwoman. 囧rz
But I still need the pay they pay me.
I still have to do what they want me to.
Sigh......... no choice for this moment. As the time yet arrive. ヘ(_ _ヘ)

今年的第一部电影： The Lone Ranger

是的是本小姐的第一部电影。

2013年的第一部电影。

还是自己一个人看的一部电影。

哈哈哈。

2013年都过了一半才第一部而已。

其实是第一部在戏院看的电影。

还是要在outstation工作去看的。

嗨。。。没办法啦。发现在outstation放工还得空过在KL。

原本要看Despicable Me 2的，哪里知道全部都是3D版。

本小姐不能看3D因为看了会晕和吐。

所以就选了这部。

好好笑的一部片。

另外都有Johnny Depp 演，所以选了这部。

还是不错。

虽然是自己看，还可以笑到很大声下咯。

以前都会觉得自己在戏院看电影会是怪怪的东西。

尝试了都觉得也可以很享受的。

看来又过多一关咯。

未来的我还是会自己去看电影的！

短发

还是决定把长发剪短了。留了要一年的发终于狠狠的把它剪短。还以为能够流会以前那把长发。竟然忍不住了。
不再喜欢长发了。因为懒惰打理长发。头发又少。决定了长发不再适合自己。
喜欢短发因为不用怎样去打理。没有那么热。看起来年轻点。看起来比较坚强点。看起来比较帅气。因该不会再有长发了。

失恋33天

不看中国片的我尽然在HyppTv里看了这部片。
故事很像自己经历过的。
天天问自己所谓的时间几时到来呢？
不知不觉也过了近一年半了。
不知不觉那所谓的时间也过了。
感恩一切都过了。
感恩现在也好好的。
虽然没有像故事里身边有个新的人陪伴，也感恩身边有家人的陪伴。
片的最后还找人来讲自己的失恋故事也让他们对以前的那个说心声话。
我也想了我想对他说的话。
谢谢他离开我，因为他的离开让我学会了很多东西。
学会了以后知道要怎样的对象。
学会了不再依赖。
学会了没有了他，我可以做很多自己喜欢东西。
学会了跟爱自己。
发现原来自己可以做很多东西。
学会了自己鼓励自己。
没有了他，生活过得比从前快乐得多只是偶尔会寂寞。
真的很感谢他背叛了我。
没有他的背叛，没有今天的我。
真心的感谢，也真心的祝福他！

对日记写上的最后一次

不必多说因为决定了向前进了。
不要在往后看了。
现在过的很好，只是偶尔低落时会寂寞。过了就没事了。
偶尔要拥抱，找两个宝贝来个抱抱。
生活自由多了。顾虑少多了。
只为自己而活了。
再见了日记本。谢谢一路的陪伴。
不会再写日记了。因为写blog了。

A slap in the face

18 May 2013
Going back to pack up the balance of the things on the room.
Before leaving, I left some money to him and wish him to take care himself.
All I got is a pointing finger on my head and cursing towards me.
And the worst a slap at my face.
Gosh.....it been long enough of getting whack from him. I can't remember when is the last time. Guess is some time during my secondary time.
A slap with a lot memory. A lot of childhood memory. I don't hv good childhood memory. Hence I never remember what happen to my childhood.
But this slap really awakened those hateful memory of childhood. He almost broke my ears by pulling my ears and slap my face for a lost pen belong to him. Till now I don't understand how precious the pen are to him or even how much it cost for us four siblings to deserve the whacking from him. In order to find out who took the pen. Obviously none of us took it. If we took it, with the whacking from him definitely we will give him back. Me, can't stand the whacking from him and to my siblings, as the eldest I had stand out and admit I'm the one lost it in order my siblings don't hv to suffer more. This happen during primary school....and now it so clear. He pulling my ears and slap my face after my confession. And his long finger nails cut my ear and almost tear off my ears. Guess if my mom never beg him, today, I had lost my ear. Till now I can still feel my healing scar behind the ear.
Another incident with parental grandma broken flower branch by my sis. With her keep adding oil to my Dad, my sis get the whacking. Hello, which kids are not naughty? Which kids won't broke branches or pull plants? Did she need to keep mention everyday so that my sis can be whack in front of her every day? Yup....my parental grandma never like us and mom. So every little action from us she will complain till my Dad whack us. Too bad that my sis had broke her favourite plants. And she did it on purpose as she can't stand see our mom get bully by her, uncle and aunts. I can't keep silence on the fourth day when I saw my sis get whack bcos of her complain, without thinking more, I shouted at my grandma asking her if she would like to see my sis being beat till death by my Dad only she will keep her mouth shut. And the rattan ended up on me. I'm whacked whole body after my words. And knelt at the gate for being impolite to her. What the hell is happening? For the age of 10 yo, which is right and which is wrong? For me it seem like everything adult did is right. Kid are never right.
Thinking back those days, I had been living in injustice life. Seeing my mom get bullied everyday and with a complain from grandma, the rattan will end up on our body. Thanks to her, we had been trained up to be very conscious in order not to get whack. And also be disciplined. Mom had to work hard and send us learn taekwondo during weekend so that we stay out of house and won't get complain by grandma and minimise our possibility get whack. I never understand why that time. I know my work do hard and the course fee and also the uniform is very expensive for her to bear for four of us. I had tried out to give her all sort reasons I don't like go taekwondo. But she insisted me to learn up. When I grew up only I know mom really 用心良苦.
What can I said more about him? Till this moment, he still never felt sorry about his action. Still finding the scapegoat....too bad that I'm the chosen one.
After my own divorce, I guess my emotion had gone haywire. I never cry and get mad. In fact the emotion is relief that he did so. Why? I also don't know. Guess most probably my emotion had gone haywire. I can't really get a normal emotion now.
Mom saw the whole situation. She was stoned seeing it happened. While driving back home, she called me crying thru phone and said sorry to me. She can't talk, she is crying soberly. No one understand her feeling than me. I'd been through it. Mine relationship is just 7 years and I had been through hell. Her is more than 30 years....guess it will be even harder. Praying daily to Lord Buddha to give her strength to recover.
In fact when I receive the slap, I felt nothing....not even a pain. I don't know why guess Lord Buddha had help me reduce the power. Even the second day the face not swollen. But I start felt a little bit pain and a bit swollen too. Luckily not too obvious if not don't know how to cover.
Will I forgive him? Don't think so....as I don't need to forgive him bcos I'm not mad at him at all. in fact it is a relief. I don't understand why too. Don't ask me as I got no answer.
But I swear no more slap on my face as I don't want anymore childhood memory.
Lesson learnt: Your action and words are just like spill water, once done and said, you can't take it back.