Life after divorce

There is a lot plan need to be execute. But first of all, I really need a job. Been hanging around like this for a month and is really my time to get income. No Money No Talk. Is not that all this while I'm dependent on him for my income. Is that because of him, I had to left my career in a field that I had built over 8 years. We are in same company and this field had a lots of our memories. Too many that I can't afford to keep it to stay on and occur in my life again and again whenever I'm doing my work. I know is kinda of waste. But I got no choice. I need new environment and a new life. In this 8 years, I had been filling my life with him. Nothing without him. Every action or plan I had, I had to put him into priority before I do anything. Now, I'm back to single. I gotta plan my own future ahead. A future with me and my Kimi alone. No one to be dependent on. A lot of shuffling in my life.

First of all, I need a new job to sustain my life expenses. Then I can go for my grooming course with loan money from my dad. After everything can be settle down, my plan for MBA course in maybe half a year time. And not to forget, my own properties. I had to plan for it too. Plan by my own. I will never know if I can meet someone special again or not. Someone whom will love me wholly and provide a place for me to be dependent on or not but definitely, at this moment, I need to be independent. Need to stand up on my own no matter what obstacle I had in future, I know I had to face it by myself, all alone.

My Plan
1. To Start work by Dec
2. To start grooming class on weekend by Dec
3. To Start MBA course by Mid of Next Year

This part of the plan. I will keep on adding once I got income!

已经结束了

做了决定，也松了口气。这个月所发生的事情太多了。也分不清那是对那是错。也对自己失去了信心，自尊和判断能力。问自己这八年所爱的人是怎样的人？他有没有对我真心过？为什么一次又一次伤害我？还要把责任推给我。很失望。很伤心。也很痛。我那么爱他为什么他这样对我。
不过这也是过去了。我不再为他而活了。我要为我自己而活。好好为自己的将来打算。不再为他流泪。也不再相信他的花言巧语。

长痛不如短痛

已接近两个星期我做了决定离开我们的家。 这个痛就如在我心上用了很多的刀割伤。让我透不过气。很痛。。。真的很痛。。。不知多少的眼泪就将流。。。流到我的眼睛再忍受不了那个痛。有没有的回头？我也不清楚。我也很累。 再这样下去， 我不懂能承多久。 好不舍得就把这八年的感情就这样结束。 可是若你还不发觉问题不只是我身上而已，我也无法再继续下去。
到今天为止， 你还是觉得问题在我身上。我好累，也很想你。可是你没有让我感觉到你也需要我。你让我觉得有没有我你也好无所谓。 我好笨。 这感觉早在八年前也有了。为什么我现在才清醒。为什么老天爷不让我早醒。 让我已把这感情变了习惯而才叫我醒来。为什么我感觉到好像再自找自受？难道我真的不值得你留念？我在你心目中占了你心多少分量？我还是很痛。很希望我永远都不会醒过来。

My 2011 Wish List

1. To lost at least 5kg in first 2 month of the year
2. To reach my ideal weight in next year
3. To get new car

That is what I got in mind....to be continue

爱情

当身边的朋友想拥有爱情时,我很想跟他们说爱情没那么简单.W=我现在拥有爱情可是很想不要这段爱情. 我想没认识过爱情。爱情真的让人痛苦，流泪，伤心和失望。爱情真的酸甜苦辣。我只想要个甜的。因为只有甜的爱情就没有那么多的痛苦，泪和伤心。真的很累。只觉得痛苦，失望和伤心。也忘了有多久没有真心的为我们做的事痛快的笑。有了自由也会有快乐吗？我真的不知道答案。我只知道我很累。很不开心也失去自我。我再也不是我自己。也找不到从前的快乐。也恨我自己为什么选了爱情。明知故犯。早就知道爱情只有带来跟多的痛苦和失望。可是还是选了爱情。

So lost~

Feeling lost recently...seem so lost..had I changed or others changed...A friend I used to thought she is kind and good seem to become stranger for me...I even felt lost in my marriage. Start wonder should I continue this relation or just end it. Just felt so lost...-_-

永恒的爱情

真的有永恒的爱情吗?如果真的有哪为什么还有那么多的离婚?两个在一起太久的恋人还是互相爱着对方吗?还是只是应为那份责任感还是已经是个习惯....那永恒的爱情在那里?永恒的爱情是怎样的?那感觉是如何的?是像当初互相恋爱的感觉吗?还是另一种的感觉?很想感觉那种感觉.一直互相爱着对方的感觉,不觉得对这份感情觉得累或想放弃.....很累...真的像找回当初那个感觉....