13 February 2012, another painstaking day to be remember

While everyone was celebrating Valentine's eve, I had a painstaking thing happened to me. Attended court for the first time of my life for ending my marriage. A 3 years marriage and 5 years of relationship. Though there are so many truth reveal. I was still putting hope on  him. Hoping him will able felt not willing to end this marriage as like me. But he said it agree faster than myself. Again, I know my hope remain a hope that will never happened. I'm down and depressed. I had sleepless night before. I had trying hard and keep praying that my tears will not roll down from my cheek. But no, I can't hold my emotion. Too many memories...too much hopes I had on this marriage. All end today. Left one step before we become stranger. I still can't hold myself keep looking at him and thinking the hugs he had gave me before. A hug that I had been missing and which will be missed forever. A hug which full of hopes previously.
Why am I still hoping. I was fine for the past month...but not today. When the reality is there. Or it had been there which I never really accept it. Today is the day where I need to accept it, like it or not, I had to accept it.
At that moment, I still can't take my eyes off him. Though I knew, I got no more place in his heart. I'm no one to him and he will never felt sorry for what he had done to me...I knew all these, but I still can't stop it. I had myself being so weak. I need to be strong by my own. I need to get rid off a lot of habit that I had with him. I must move forward as there is no point looking backward when he had start his new life...Get up! Wake Up! Stand Up! Move Forward!