快要崩溃了！

已经是第六天失去Kit了。
到今天都没有任何人再看到她。

原本充满希望她会自己回家的，到现在已经开始慢慢的变绝望。
心情也开始复杂了。
要崩溃了。
昨晚又哭了。
这一个等待和寻找开始难熬了。

原本很感恩的觉得菩萨和佛祖赐给我一直都很想拥有的猫咪。
但是现在埋冤者为什么这个幸福那么的短站。
我心很痛。
感觉像被菩萨和佛祖背叛了。

这让我很绝望。
已经受够被人背叛了。
原本一直受到菩萨和佛祖的疼爱还觉得比较安慰。
这让我投进了对神的绝望。
觉得自己太孤独了。

为什要这样给我开心然后又脱去太呢？
我还要面对多少的考验呢？
难道连我生日的月份里都要我伤心的过吗？！

难道我不能开开心心的生活吗？
对人生感觉的很累。

Broken sad emotion

I guess my sad emotion had broken or missing from the inner me.
Day 5 after losing Kit, my newly rescued cat and new love in my live I only shed tear one time and only less than 5 minutes.

It is so weird to have such a peace in me when I lost my cat.
I think this is not the usual me....
Anything related to my furkids, it impact me deeply emotionally.
But not this time.

Could it be a sign that she will return?
Yeah...I hope so....
But this unusual peace of mind do caused me concern if my emotion had broken.

My pretty Kit missing since 4 Aug 2017, 6:30 am. Hope she will be blessed and reach home safely.

休息日

今天决定在圣诞节休息。
约了好姐妹聚一聚。
坐在咖啡厅三四个小时闲聊着，我有着很无聊的感觉。
觉得太无意义了。
将空闲的聊天太 不productive 了。
坐完一家咖啡厅再搬去另一家。
就这样坐了整天。
我还是觉得留在家能够更productive.
我是不是有点宅了?

35岁生日🎂

今年的生日🎂真的要感谢🙏李宗伟。
谢谢他打了一场那么好的球赛。🏸
好让我今年的生日过得充满希望，期待和刺激。

虽然没用赢得金牌🏅️，他还是我国的英雄。
我们绝对没有感觉失望。
谢谢他努力的带给了我们赢金牌🏅️的希望。
让我又有了个难忘的生日。

还要谢谢弟弟们买pizza🍕来庆祝。
今年生日还不错吗！

继续加油吧！

Hi!

It's been awhile since my last blog.
Life was so busy with work and pet shop.
Hardly have time to blog or even for some rest.
Though is hard, but I know that I am working towards my dream.

Keep fighting!💪

祝我生日快乐!

踏入34岁的我对生日庆祝越来越简单。🎂
愿望也只是希望我爱的人和爱我的人能够天天快乐和身体健康。🙏
今年能够在自己的生日能够请假感觉真棒!😊

回想下活到34岁的我有什么成绩。
虽然不是很富有但是还过得去。
有车🚗,有房子🏠也养了3条狗。🐕🐶🐩
听起来还不错吧!😆
可是周身欠银行债!🏦💸
但是我觉得自己还是过得去。😄

事业上虽然别人觉得我很棒,不过我觉得只不过如此。😐
这份工作无法点燃我的火。🎆
可能是老板的因素吧,😕我觉得我只尽我所责。
多于的也不想做了。😧

今年都算过得不去年好。
为自己买了新包包。👜
养了一个新狗狗。🐶
去了洗脸。💆
还打算为家人准备晚饭。🍴

所以很感恩佛祖一路走来拥有的一切。
谢谢这34年保佑我和指引我。
感谢让我天天都在学习和成长。🙏

I'm slacking off lately

Yes, since after released from hospital, Im slacked off.
It's been two weeks after the released but my mind and body just won't catch back the pace I used to be.
No more jogging in the morning, working aimlessly daily in office, brain not brain storming every day etc.
I'd tried to push it but it just won't work
Sigh.....I need rest but I still need to earn living.

Looking forward for the fast pace me be back.

p/s: please don't go too long as you will be lack behind a lot!

再次入院

今年是第二次入院。
第一次是在三个月前为了检查子宫而入院。
这次入院是因为食物中毒和胃细菌感染。
不停的呕吐和拉肚子。
呕和啦倒全身无力了。

入院吊水。
住入了第二晚了。
第二天的精神都好点了。

这次真的病倒而入院的感觉有差别。
也不会想起3年前入院的感觉了。
那种期待有失望的痛都不再干扰我的心情了。

难道我又再次升级了吗?

可以要个Delete button吗?

不知为何最近会梦到他。
梦见他过候,醒来心情都不会好。
而且也很累。
真的希望有个delete  button把和他的记忆删除掉。
讨厌!

Offline

Sometimes there is a moment that I wish I could disconnect myself to the world.
Live in a world just myself and my dogs.

My job

Another 3 months left before I marked a year anniversary in this job.

I'm still adjusting the life and adapting to this job. Not easy to travel around for 50% of my work time.

Things I appreciate most with this job are:
1. I get to the countries I never visited before. (But not for sightseeing)
2. I am given opportunity to visit others countries university, lab and industry
3. I am given chance to see other countries culture.
4. I tried others countries well developed public transportation.
5. I tried others countries local speciality and food.
6. I learnt to tried any kind of food that I may not like or dare to try before.  E.g : stink tofu, beef etc.
7. I met new people
8. I listened to others countries political issues
9. I experienced every new thing when I travel.

I just felt great for the experience I had with this job.
Every trip made full of excitement and stress too.
I'm grateful with this opportunity granted for me.

I would not say I like this job but I like the experience awaiting me whenever I travel.

Emotional wound

After a series of emotionally hurt, physical wound ain't painful as emotional wound.

八月结束了!

今年的八月过得因该可以说是'多姿多彩'的。
八月开始换新工作就是非连片。
该说自己把自己圈如是非话题。
就因为自己的决定就把自己变成是非主角了。 (>_<)
爱低调的我突然变成行家的话题也让自己变得不自在。 「(°ヘ°)
我不爱做红人。 (︶︹︺)
无论是好的或坏的我就是不想被人当成话题。 （＞﹏＜）
也不晓得会被提到何时。。。。
今年也是第二次在自己的生日那天没的请假而要上班。
而是去了旧公司的新加坡和印尼的分行。
而外收获就在check in counter时亚航的工作人员竟然发现了我的生日日期还祝我生日快乐。 (∩_∩)
今年的生日过得好平淡。没有特别的庆祝。只是忙着就过了。答应自己明年的生日要去yoga retreat来宠自己。
蛋糕也切了一个而已。还是切的很不开心。
旧老板早一个星期就约好庆祝生日,答应了他一起吃饭庆祝就好。
想都没想过竟然要求我早点下班回到旧公司和旧同事一起切蛋糕。
我的天呀!为什么他可以那么天真到如此?! ⊙﹏⊙
他的好心又让我圈如是非之地。
我令原他一个一起吃饭好过逼些不是很乐意祝我生日的人一起庆祝生日。 (~_~;)
就这样,唯一切的生日蛋糕成为了我往后给人拿来讲的话题了。
看来我因该还是会有段时间变成人家口中的话题。
无论如何换了工也换了环境。
在旧公司里的身份也不同了。
在新公司里也感到不自在因为已经习惯去照顾同事突然在这被人照顾。感觉很不自在的和好像很无力的。
无论如何都好,请求菩萨祝福我能够越战越勇。无论面对什么挑战,我都能够应付的来。
要好好加油吧! (∩_∩)

开工了！

说长不长，说短不短的假期就此结束了。
要做的也做的七七八八了。
当然还有做不完的事。还是满足的。
在八月一号开工了。
怪怪的就是没有期待的感觉或兴奋的感觉来上班。
是年纪大了吧？
还是换了很多次工所以没有感觉了？
还是都认识新公司里的人？
还是依依不舍久公司呢？
总之就是没有那感觉上新公司啦！
还是告诉自己focus新生活啦！
别再一直回头看过去啦！
尽然都决定了就要往前看了。
好好准备自己面对新挑战。
在自己生日的月份就再次有个全新跟好的自己吧！

好！秀秀自己的新工作岗位！

Cherish Life Home

So there, I had been jobless since 11 July 2014.
Leaving a company which I had been part of it since the day it started had left me so empty.
The place had been a place for me to cure myself during my divorce hence, it can be said I was healed emotionally by being workaholic in the company.
Thus, after back from Medan holiday, I had never felt so empty.
Still digging up the old emails and documents to fill the emptiness.
Then I plan, I plan to fill up my short holiday before new job started.
But how to make it more meaningful and not to spend money for fill up the free time?
Thus I had put Cherish Life Home in my list.
As setting up a shelter had been part of my dream when I'm a millionaire (day dreaming) one day, I guess is good for me to go to have a look at the shelter.
So once I'm back from Indonesia, I take my initiative to message them through FB as they are quite active in FB I bet they would read it.
Instead to be an ordinary volunteer, I will use my grooming skill to help groom the furkids in the shelter.
And my message is answered on 20 July. Thank god!
Heehee...after got Aunty Winnie a.k.a A Winnie's number, I called up her on Monday for direction to the shelter. At the end we met up at Dr. Goh's clinic at Taman Damai Utama, near to Puncak Jalil though it is still under Kinrara.
So this Dr.'s name had been hear many time but never met him. So I got the chance to meet him today.
I had a quick lunch with A Winnie and had a little bit char on my grooming back ground and also a pet owner.
Shared to her as well my rescue experience with MIAR too. So she also shared her bad experience with MIAR too. Sigh....some people just want fame only but not the responsibility. After chit chat for about an hour, we went to clinic to pick up Boney which can be discharge today.
When we went into clinic, saw Dr. Goh finally, wahaha...as A Winnie said, he is handsome Vet. Hhhmmm...let me think out of vets I met, he is the no.2 handsome vet. As I did dreamed to become vet before, I did show interest on the vet I met. Whahaha (*=*) blushed.....unfortunately he is married.
Hehehe....then we start our long journey from Puchong to Hulu Langat, where the shelter located.
Ok, the journey into the shelter was horror. The road is unpaved road. Wah....during that time, I really wish that I had drive a 4WD as like A Winnie Nissan Navara.
Phew....finally I make it there safely with minimal damage to my Nissan Almera. =.="
The shelter is totally different from the one I imagined it could be.
As I had a minor OCD, I always asking myself whether I can be a volunteer in the shelter as the shelter could be dirty, filthy, smelly and the dog also smell bad. Can I do that.
But to my surprise, A Winnie shelter is so difference. The big difference can be compare as there is another shelter just next door.
The first difference is the dog here is calmer. Even they bark, is bark of happiness when their mama arrived even still in car. All the dog rush out greet her.
The shelter was built very naturally not a concrete type. Though the concrete shelter look neater but it can smell bad if there is no proper cleaning.
Though there is 200 over dogs, the dogs were never too packed in an area and they roam freely in the shelter.
It is truly an experience to me. And it enlightened me that this is never an easy job.
It is a whole life responsibility. A very dignify job.
Also A Winnie had again emphasized to me RESCUE IS NOT ABOUT GLORY BUT IT IS ABOUT THE RESPONSIBILITY.
These words will be imprint in my heart. So am I ready for a shelter of my own?
Gosh...to be frank I'm not ready for it. But for the moment, I will help whenever I can either help groom the dog or in monetary.

The incredible woman: A Winnie

The doggies running out to greet A winnie

Well take care doggies

Monitoring mama whereabout

The playground

And the recovery pen with special care kids

May Lord Buddha bless A Winnie with health and also help from all over place so that she can keep on helping the furkids.
Definitely, this is never an easy job.
It is an eye opener for me and maybe an experience to learn.

离开了

已经离开了公司第三天。从星期五晚开始哭了3个晚上。 还是在旅行的过程里都还想念着。 到底是什么原因呢? 原本以为离开了会开心的也会放心。 可是这两个感觉都没有。 心还是依依不舍的挂念在公司里的每一位同事。 尤其是那班小的。 总觉得对不起他们。 很不明白自己的情绪。 也难过老板要自己度过所有的挑战。 丢下他还以为是个报复的。 但还觉得亏欠了大家? 心还是依然留在那而。 Line message响时多希望是Gaia group chat但是已经离队了。 再次提醒自己是我想要的。 心理很希望着一切都是这五年来的习惯。 想好好开始自己的新生活和工作。 但是也没有很盼望新的发展。 还是逗留在Gaia里的生活和工作。 每一天都求佛祖点明弟子是否做对了选择。 问佛祖为何自己会那么心痛和不舍。 为什么问菩萨时,菩萨总是叫我离开。 离开了总不觉得快乐。 太多的为什么。 每次老板求留下,说该公司很需要我时我都是动摇的很想留下。 但是还是拒绝了。 看到最后一天大家都伤心的抱着哭,让我都觉得有罪恶感。我让很多人都伤心了。 佛祖,请问您能够尽快的点明弟子吗? 如果弟子我还没有准备好的话,就让弟子尽快准备好来面对该面对的吧。 希望弟子我不是为了权利而依依不舍那件公司吧。 希望佛祖您能够让弟子跟加勇敢的面对自己要走的路。 让弟子能够比现在的我跟好跟勇敢。 虽然弟子真的很想知道为何会发生此事,希望佛祖您能够指引弟子。

无所事事的夜晚

已经习惯了放工后还会开电脑来check email。
今晚开了电脑对着银幕等待email到来。
一切都结束了。
这五年的习惯突然不用做了，觉得好空虚。
突然没了目标了。
空空荡荡的。
头脑一片空白。
毫无头绪的写blog。
workaholic了那么久突然停下脚步觉得很空。
当忙的时候， 想看戏。
现在有空了，尽然没情绪看戏。
真那我没办法。
突然很想静下来。
享受平静的夜晚。
好让脑袋休息下。
准备迎接未来的挑战。
感恩现在拥有的空闲。
谢谢佛祖！

期待的是什么?

离开日子已经越来越接近了。
本以为是下定决心了但是还是不停的动摇。
每当多一个人知道就动摇一次。
好累哦。
问自己会期待新工作吗?答案只是期待着休闲的日子。不用担忧太多东西的日子。
每当每个叫我留下的都说公司不能没了我。
理智告诉我,没有一家公司会没了谁不能的。
但是还是担心自己的决定会影响到别人。
为什么自己就不能坚决点呢?
每次动摇时都有事发让自己坚决。
菩萨和佛祖都已经很明确了点明了还动摇些什么呢?
真的搞不清自己是期待些什么的。
也很讨厌现在的我。
现在的头脑都卡住了。
小小的事都无法控制脾气了。
小小的事都能气到掉眼泪。
小小的事都能看的不顺眼。
只好安抚自己就快要结束了。
往后的日子都不必为这些问题而烦恼了。

宝贝妈咪爱你

今天因为头痛就上半天工回家休息。
太痛了所以回到家就睡了。
最近便头越来越严重。
疼的都无法想东西。
好辛苦。
幸亏董事的Kimi知道妈咪的苦,静悄悄的躺在妈咪身边直到妈咪觉醒才发现它在身边陪伴妈咪。
感谢宝贝让妈咪不孤单的。
妈咪爱你!

A day to remember 25.5.14

This was indeed will be a painful day to be remembered. A day when I lost a good friend of mine.

She is an ex-colleague of mine back in Interscience.

Young girl fresh graduate from UTM. An image she gave me when she join Interscience: A Malay girl for a sales job? This not going to last long. 

But she prove it wrong. All wrong....she in such small body feature, soft spoken lady had her own way to do sales. so different from the image of Malay I had. She indeed changed my perception on Malay culture.

Back in Interscience. I'm not sensitive on the different culture in the company or even the group.

Back then the Chinese only mix with Chinese while the minority like Indian and Malay will be in their own group.

Somehow when she was assigned to cover East Coast as me, we had become travel partner to East Coast.

That's how we build our relationship. Gossip all the way to East Coast and chat all the journey.

Sleep in same room and eat together. 

She get married on 20  , and she got pregnant on the following years.

She had her first miscarriage on 2010, the year I had left Interscience. Heard that PCC was never kind to her and keep mentioning about her miscarriage case and left her keep reminded on her wound.

So on that year, after I heard about her torture by insensitive PCC, I decided talk to management of Gaia to offer her a job in Gaia since we need more people to expand the market, she joined.

After joined for more than half a year, she got pregnant again.

Indeed it is joy for us as she had overcome it and decided to try it again.

Glad she make it. But the mighty god still want to test her strength, unfortunately, when she is heavy pregnant at 9 months, she lost her baby again. The baby died just a week due to born.

Then she again have to gone through the lost of child. So sad for her, when just about due to born, it is hard to us definitely is hard for her too.

Then she come back strong too with everyone else try not to ask but she did share with me.

Just less than a year, she was again diagnosed with lymphoma.

She fight with it and manage to get healthy again and get pregnant for the third time. It is really happy which this significantly prove that she is healthy again. 

But just after she delivered her baby, she is diagnosed with relapse and undergone chemo. We manage to visit her after her first chemo. Just last year. It shocked me to see her condition. She even asked me not to shed any tears for her. Such a strong lady. 

We chat and talk about her boy. I hold her hand while talking. I just fear that I will lost her. 

After the visit we kept in touch through FB message. We chat a lot when I got the offer from the supplier company. How she support me a lot when I told her I'm depressed with work. While she still fighting hard but she still encourage me by asking me to stay positive.

We had make promise to each other to have a friendship anniversary celebration after knowing each other for 8 years. Just a month later after no news from her in message, she had left us to the heaven.

After all the long fight she had, she deserve a well rest now my dear friend. 

I will always miss you my dear. So sorry that we can fulfill the promise we had made for each other.

I'm thankful that you had been part of my best memories in me. You will be always loved and miss by me.