这一关好像很难

今晚这关好像很难。。。无法控制我的眼泪。泪水一直流。 回忆一直在脑海里飘过。这一关比新年那关根难过。 那一关我还可以控制。这关真的控制不了。。求求佛祖能够祝福我。给我需要的力量和坚持。

另一个考验

天又在给我另一个考验。。冬至那天让我签了离婚证书，情人节前一天又在让我真真的上法庭上来真实我的离婚。。。难道天要我永远都记得所发生的事，要我永远放在心里，提醒我跟爱自己？还是到有一天，在这两天，我都不会想起这些事，也证明了我放下了。我不懂会是哪一个。但我希望老天爷，请赐给我需要的勇气来面对来领的那一关。

有过了一关

同事过年前，突然跟我聊了。送上她的关心。 她明白在季节接近时，也是最低潮的时刻。她了解我一直在针扎的心情。也知道那段时间我是最低潮的时候。很感动，因为有人了解。也明白一些我自己也不明白的情绪。那个低潮也过了。这新年也平平淡淡的过了。短短的两天假期都让我觉得很长和很无聊。没有什么比得上一早起来去做运动然后上班。把自己的时间充实。也没有时间让我去回想我不想回想的回忆。的确还有回忆存在，让我无法去参与一些我们以前一起做的东西。的确我还会逃避。还无法放开。希望明年的我能够恢复正常。
今天又去面对我不敢去面对的事情，那就是一个人去逛街。今天我做到了。之前觉得无法面对一个人去逛街，因为觉得很可悲。因为我怕会遇到他和那个她。怕给他看到一个人逛街的我。看到这么狼狈的我，孤独的我。原来我只是想太多了。一个人逛街也可以很享受的。所以我又过关了。
我知道还有很多东西我需要去面对。独自的面对。希望菩萨保佑，在给多点勇气给我。让我能够勇敢去面对事实。

明年的大扫除

希望明年的大扫除是扫着自己的家。 让我买一件自己的房子的梦想快点实现。在这样下去，我不知道还能顶多久。很累了。撑得很累了。很想结束一切。没办法再去面对另一个压力。

2012 New Resolution

This year resolution gonna be very different...as it is my own resolution. Whatever resolution I had made, is all for me. After the divorce, after everything happened, I blessed that God loved me and never forget me. God had sent me so many angels around me to went through the most difficult time. Nevertheless giving me hints for me to found out the truth. As usual, the truth was always hurt. It had passed, I had stand upon myself. I had stopped missing him or even blaming myself for the failed marriage. Though I may have responsibility on this but I believe I had done my best. Though not yet fully recover, but may time heal me.

Not going to said more about this as this blog tittle is about my resolution. (it is more appropriate as resolutions). About my worst experience, I will blog it when I'm ready. I believe, that is gonna be a very long blog. Not so soon, but I will. That is my promise. Cause I would really like to share this experience.

So back to my resolutions. First of all, some of the plan I had plan in previous blog I had done it. Include take up a grooming course. I had did it. I had start it on December and it had been month since I start my course. Though not very happy with the way the teacher is teaching the student, but I'm still ok with it, just felt tired sometimes. Then I got my job back. Is another long story. Hahaha...But with new role in the company. Can said two of these resolutions was completed before 2011 ended.

Now new resolutions:
1. To get a house the Taman Tasik Puchong at least within the early half 2012.
2. To clear off all credit cards debt.
3. To cancel CIMB credit card by year end after finish pay installment for Nuskin product.
4. To get a new car by end of the year 2012.
5. To reduce current weight or at least keeping at this weight.
6. To be success in my career by hoping the company
7. To pass the groomer examination by end of the year 2012.

That's all the resolutions I had set. Maybe I will add in more later. Haha....Happy New Year 2012! May this year become a better year for my new single life!

Life after divorce

There is a lot plan need to be execute. But first of all, I really need a job. Been hanging around like this for a month and is really my time to get income. No Money No Talk. Is not that all this while I'm dependent on him for my income. Is that because of him, I had to left my career in a field that I had built over 8 years. We are in same company and this field had a lots of our memories. Too many that I can't afford to keep it to stay on and occur in my life again and again whenever I'm doing my work. I know is kinda of waste. But I got no choice. I need new environment and a new life. In this 8 years, I had been filling my life with him. Nothing without him. Every action or plan I had, I had to put him into priority before I do anything. Now, I'm back to single. I gotta plan my own future ahead. A future with me and my Kimi alone. No one to be dependent on. A lot of shuffling in my life.

First of all, I need a new job to sustain my life expenses. Then I can go for my grooming course with loan money from my dad. After everything can be settle down, my plan for MBA course in maybe half a year time. And not to forget, my own properties. I had to plan for it too. Plan by my own. I will never know if I can meet someone special again or not. Someone whom will love me wholly and provide a place for me to be dependent on or not but definitely, at this moment, I need to be independent. Need to stand up on my own no matter what obstacle I had in future, I know I had to face it by myself, all alone.

My Plan
1. To Start work by Dec
2. To start grooming class on weekend by Dec
3. To Start MBA course by Mid of Next Year

This part of the plan. I will keep on adding once I got income!

已经结束了

做了决定，也松了口气。这个月所发生的事情太多了。也分不清那是对那是错。也对自己失去了信心，自尊和判断能力。问自己这八年所爱的人是怎样的人？他有没有对我真心过？为什么一次又一次伤害我？还要把责任推给我。很失望。很伤心。也很痛。我那么爱他为什么他这样对我。
不过这也是过去了。我不再为他而活了。我要为我自己而活。好好为自己的将来打算。不再为他流泪。也不再相信他的花言巧语。