期待的是什么?

离开日子已经越来越接近了。
本以为是下定决心了但是还是不停的动摇。
每当多一个人知道就动摇一次。
好累哦。
问自己会期待新工作吗?答案只是期待着休闲的日子。不用担忧太多东西的日子。
每当每个叫我留下的都说公司不能没了我。
理智告诉我,没有一家公司会没了谁不能的。
但是还是担心自己的决定会影响到别人。
为什么自己就不能坚决点呢?
每次动摇时都有事发让自己坚决。
菩萨和佛祖都已经很明确了点明了还动摇些什么呢?
真的搞不清自己是期待些什么的。
也很讨厌现在的我。
现在的头脑都卡住了。
小小的事都无法控制脾气了。
小小的事都能气到掉眼泪。
小小的事都能看的不顺眼。
只好安抚自己就快要结束了。
往后的日子都不必为这些问题而烦恼了。

宝贝妈咪爱你

今天因为头痛就上半天工回家休息。
太痛了所以回到家就睡了。
最近便头越来越严重。
疼的都无法想东西。
好辛苦。
幸亏董事的Kimi知道妈咪的苦,静悄悄的躺在妈咪身边直到妈咪觉醒才发现它在身边陪伴妈咪。
感谢宝贝让妈咪不孤单的。
妈咪爱你!

A day to remember 25.5.14

This was indeed will be a painful day to be remembered. A day when I lost a good friend of mine.

She is an ex-colleague of mine back in Interscience.

Young girl fresh graduate from UTM. An image she gave me when she join Interscience: A Malay girl for a sales job? This not going to last long. 

But she prove it wrong. All wrong....she in such small body feature, soft spoken lady had her own way to do sales. so different from the image of Malay I had. She indeed changed my perception on Malay culture.

Back in Interscience. I'm not sensitive on the different culture in the company or even the group.

Back then the Chinese only mix with Chinese while the minority like Indian and Malay will be in their own group.

Somehow when she was assigned to cover East Coast as me, we had become travel partner to East Coast.

That's how we build our relationship. Gossip all the way to East Coast and chat all the journey.

Sleep in same room and eat together. 

She get married on 20  , and she got pregnant on the following years.

She had her first miscarriage on 2010, the year I had left Interscience. Heard that PCC was never kind to her and keep mentioning about her miscarriage case and left her keep reminded on her wound.

So on that year, after I heard about her torture by insensitive PCC, I decided talk to management of Gaia to offer her a job in Gaia since we need more people to expand the market, she joined.

After joined for more than half a year, she got pregnant again.

Indeed it is joy for us as she had overcome it and decided to try it again.

Glad she make it. But the mighty god still want to test her strength, unfortunately, when she is heavy pregnant at 9 months, she lost her baby again. The baby died just a week due to born.

Then she again have to gone through the lost of child. So sad for her, when just about due to born, it is hard to us definitely is hard for her too.

Then she come back strong too with everyone else try not to ask but she did share with me.

Just less than a year, she was again diagnosed with lymphoma.

She fight with it and manage to get healthy again and get pregnant for the third time. It is really happy which this significantly prove that she is healthy again. 

But just after she delivered her baby, she is diagnosed with relapse and undergone chemo. We manage to visit her after her first chemo. Just last year. It shocked me to see her condition. She even asked me not to shed any tears for her. Such a strong lady. 

We chat and talk about her boy. I hold her hand while talking. I just fear that I will lost her. 

After the visit we kept in touch through FB message. We chat a lot when I got the offer from the supplier company. How she support me a lot when I told her I'm depressed with work. While she still fighting hard but she still encourage me by asking me to stay positive.

We had make promise to each other to have a friendship anniversary celebration after knowing each other for 8 years. Just a month later after no news from her in message, she had left us to the heaven.

After all the long fight she had, she deserve a well rest now my dear friend. 

I will always miss you my dear. So sorry that we can fulfill the promise we had made for each other.

I'm thankful that you had been part of my best memories in me. You will be always loved and miss by me. 

会那么幸运得奖吗?

就那么天真的参加了这个游戏。
哈哈哈哈, 哪知道我能够输入一个价钱。
就这样参加了。
如果有那么幸运的话,那就是我人生的第三幸运奖咯!
我的第一幸运就是能够入学到本地大学。让妈不用操心我的学业。
第二幸运就是拿到奖学金,让妈不用为我的学费担心。
如果这个有奖游戏能够让我赢到手机,这是我人生的第三幸运了!
哈哈哈哈。。。。因该下午吃太多大头菜。
就让到明天都有个希望和期待吧!
先感恩。赢不赢奖今晚都给了我一个希望和期待!

It's time to let go

Though still fighting with the emotion and rational.
Yup...non stop battling between this two since the day decision made... :(
Out of sudden saw another article titled "20 signs it's Time to Let Go".
After reading it, to my shock, I really score high for the signs.
Damn...then my emotion shouldn't win over. Below is the article to share

20 Signs It's Time To Let Go And Move On

1. When your thoughts go to memories more than the present.

2. When the situation causes you more pain than joy.

3. When you expect, hope and plead for the person, place or situation to change.

4. When you become complacent, bored or resentful.

5. When the pattern persists even though you tried to fix it.

6. When you feel alone, unheard or disrespected.

7. When the situation is holding you back from growing and being who you want to be.

8. When you stay, hoping and expecting things to get better.

9. When you cry more than you laugh and love.

10. When you feel exhausted emotionally, spiritualty and physically.

11. When you have lost your passion and joy.

12. When you core beliefs and values have changed and you sacrifice who you are.

13. When you stop having fun.

14. When you fear this is the best it will be.

15. When you force a smile to mask the pain.

16. When you lose who you are and stop dreaming.

17. When you hold on out of fear of the unknown.

18. When you sense you are holding onto something meant to be let go.

19. When the thought of being free of the situation feels expansive.

20. When you believe in a better life for yourself.

All the highlight points is what I having at the moment. Gosh....out of 20, I score 19.
Though been talking with best friends and  family on my current situation, the conclusion they had for my situation are it's is still all about them and there is no about me.
I thought I had been selfish enough to make the resignation happened. But still I still got attached here due to the reason I'm dignify to care about the company and the people in the company.
Dignify? Did I? Questioning myself a lot lately on my own character which they had bring up when trying to persuade me to stay. Sigh...after saw this article, should I convince myself this is the sign given by Lord Buddha to me?
It had been the second signs?
Oh Lord Buddha, please send me clear sign. Please forgive the stupid me in getting your sign. Please help enlightened me.

The battle of EMOTIONS and RATIONAL

This is the hardest battle of own self ever.
Thought rational had won over emotion but actually the battle yet ended. It just subsided for awhile.
The chat is never ending. Keep asking to stay. Though had remind myself those are only sweet talks to make you stay but the feeling said it is sincere.
This really killing me. I know the changes will took long if I stay. Can I endure with it while waiting the days come.
I had my answer but the emotion just went haywire. It split me apart. Just felt so torn.
With unknown root cause or reason, I am clueless for what I'm looking for. While the thought of rational winning over the battle but why the emotion still so much affected? Why still feel so attached? Why can't I just be cruel and determine with the decision?
Can Buddha please show me the road of clarity? Please guide me to a correct path.  Please let me get stronger for this battle.

最接近我心声

最近开了Linkedin 户口。哪里很多professional 职业。
也有很多专业作文。今天看了这一片很接近我的心声的：
接近的就是那个"guilt feel"

When it's 'Safe' to Say, "Hey, Boss, I'm Looking!"

At what point during her job search do you suppose Marissa Mayer, the current CEO of Yahoo, advised her boss at Google that she was “looking”? (The answer to this question, which may very well surprise you, is at the end of this blog.)

The truth of the matter is, if you are like most people, you are happy in your jobmost of the time. That does not alter the fact, however, that there are also times when you may honestly wonder if you’re not overlooking other genuine career opportunities outside your current company. You may begin to feel that you might just be “settling” for what you now have in your current job and be leaving money and career advancement opportunities “on the table.” That’s when you are most likely to . . .

• Occasionally visit indeed.com and similar online sites to see what may be available “out there.”
• Set up “saved searches,” so that the right career opportunities start being emailed to you.
• Update your LinkedIn profile.
• Begin receiving (and taking!) calls from “headhunters.”

All simply to “test the waters,” of course.

And, since you are already “flirting” with the job market, you may decide to go on a few “dates,” too, i.e., job interviews.

Again, though, simply to “test the waters.”

But what happens if these “dates” (interviews) begin to strongly suggest that, as you somewhat suspected, you may indeed be overlooking some genuine opportunities to advance your career? Well, the adrenaline can start pumping, suddenly a new-found sense ofexcitement can kick in, you start to get “butterflies” in your stomach, your heart beats just a little bit faster. . . and soon thereafter here they come . . .

The old GUILT feelings!

Dealing with the ‘Guilt’ Feelings

Why am I doing this? you ask yourself. Then, in answer to your own question, you’re quite likely to come up with answers such as these:

• Because I am not totally happy with my current job, or at least not as happy as I know I should be.
• I know for a fact that I am not being paid what I am worth.
• Will I ever receive a promotion, or am I destined to remain at basically the same level throughout my career with this company—no matter what I accomplish or how well I perform?
• Why won’t my boss trust me with more responsibility and authority?

Still, the guilt feelings persist.

In order to alleviate these guilt feelings, you decide that the best thing to do at this point is to “come clean” with your boss. After all, you do have a good relationship with her—actually, avery good relationship with her—right? She told you during your last performance review that she genuinely cared about you and wanted only the best for you and your family, didn’t she? Certainly, the boss will want to do what’s right for you, right? Maybe, after you “cleanse your soul,” by telling her you’re “looking,” you might actually end up getting a nice raise, perhaps even a promotion, right?

Wrong!

Two Reasons ‘Cleansing Your Soul’ with Your Boss is NOT a Good Idea

Here are at least TWO reasons why your reasoning is very wrong and filled with significantrisks to your career:

• First, how can you tell, for sure, that you do indeed have a “good” relationship with your boss? What if you guess wrong about the true nature of the relationship you have with her? What if you think you have a good—even GREAT!—relationship with her but she would beg to differ, if asked? Or, what if you do indeed currently have a “good relationship” with her but it quickly “sours” once you’ve told her of your “indiscretions”?
• Second, an employment relationship is not like a marriage contract or any other type of binding, legal contract or arrangement. Nonetheless, many people continue to view it as such. The fact of the matter is, almost all employment arrangements today are what’s known as “at will” arrangements. That means that, like political appointees, an employee “serves” at the “pleasure” of the company. If and when it is no longer your employer’s “pleasure” to keep you, you will be gone, gone, gone. Still, many want to believe that their co-workers (and yes, sometimes, even their boss) are true “friends,” their “family-in-residence,” as it were, but that really isn’t true at all.

If you currently find yourself facing a career dilemma such as the one described in this blog, I suggest that you STOP and ask yourself these questions:

• “If I stay where I am for the rest of my career, am I okay with that?”
• “Has my ‘story’ at my current job been completely written yet?
• “If I were unemployed and had a chance to interview for my current job, would I do it?”
• “Money aside, do I really love this job?”

If your answers to these questions is a resounding “yes,” then stop looking NOW . . . get control over the urge to “confess” and get back to work!

Risks Inherent in Confessing Your Career ‘Affair’ or ‘Indiscretion’

On the other hand, if your answers to these questions are even qualified “no’s,” then the only question becomes whether or not to “confess.” The short answer is: Don’t even think about it unless you want your career to tank at your current company! If you choose to ignore this advice, here is what, at a minimum, awaits you for as long as you remain with your current employer:

• Don’t expect to any longer be seriously considered for any promotions that may come up.
• If you get a salary increase, it will be miniscule at best.
• Don’t expect to any longer even be considered for involvement in any long-term, high-profile company projects.
• Expect your professional brand to be quickly and irretrievably “tarnished,” and expect it to grow even more “tarnished” the longer you stay with the company.
• Anticipate that the “great relationship” you thought you had with your current boss will soon head south.

Do you still believe, then, that “coming clean” with the boss if you are “looking” is a good idea? I hope not. Don’t make the mistake so many excellent candidates tend to make by telling your boss you’re “looking.” There is absolutely no way whatsoever that this can ever be to your benefit or advantage.

Rather, take a cue from Yahoo CEO, Marissa Mayer. This savvy young executive demonstrated that she definitely knows how the hiring “game” is played. She also showed that she is an expert player at the game. The “advance warning” she gave her boss at Google that she was “looking”—exactly 30 minutes before she left!